Turning 30/The story I can’t tell/Number 4

One morning I woke up a little slower than usual. My vision was more blurred than I remembered it being the morning previous. I lay in bed for a few moments longer than most mornings before attempting to sit up. As I finally sat up, my knees creaked and popped. My spine creaked like a 20 year old deck board as I stood up. I grabbed the spray can of whipped cream sitting at my bed side, and made my way waddling down the hallway in my shorts. My elbow popped as I held the can up for a refreshing shot of whipped cream. I heard the friendly, familiar squirt sound as I held the nozzle above my head and leaned my head back. Chkrrrrrrt. (thats the sound the can makes. Just go with it). Of course my neck cramped up as I lower my head. No shocker there given how noisy my joints have been this morning. I peaked into the girls’ play room. No ones in there, but the lights on. I smack the switch, and yell out “electricity ain’t free ya know!” Chkrrrrrrt. I stumble past the bathroom. The lights are a blazing. I smack the switch. Chkrrrrrt. “don’t anyone know how to turn off the lights!?” Oh no! I’m extra grumpy, achy, and slow this morning. Did it finally happen?! I turn around, realizing I forgot to grab my phone out from under my pillow. (isn’t that where you keep yours?) I stumble back to my room and fall on the bed, because that’s easier than sitting down or leaning over. I look at my phone, and it’s too bright for my eyes as they still haven’t adjusted from the dark. The date reads November 21st 2013. It’s my 30th birthday. AHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

I’m only teasing. Most of that didn’t really happen. In all reality, I don’t know whether I feel like I’m still young, or if I have felt like I’ve been 30 for the past 5 years. One thing I’ll say for certain, once you have 3 kids, I don’t think it matters how old you really are. You’re a parent of 3. I know there are some folks you have a couple, maybe a few decades on me that are reading this and would love to kick me right now and tell me how I’m still a kid. Don’t be offended. I still feel pretty young. Honestly, 30 is just another number to me. Although I can look at my life now, and compare it to 8 years ago, before I had any kids, and I don’t even feel like the same person at all. I feel like 10 years back was 4 lifetimes ago. The things that I’m into now, my hobbies, the people I look up to, my entire outlook on life, my habits, my friends, my priorities, my lifestyle– all completely different. And I don’t mean that all these things have only changed from before I had kids to now. Obviously having kids will change all that, but even in the passed 5 years, much has changed. I might even be just a tiny bit wiser than before too.

 

I hope everyone had a great and happy holiday season. I think of the holiday season as stretching from Thanksgiving all the way to new years. To me, it is all one great big holiday. I really had some things that I wanted to blog about before the holiday seasons, but I will be absolutely honest with you. I have had a hard time writing lately. Not just here, but in my private journals as well. I recently learned of some news that has brought bits of my past back to haunt me, and I’m just not dealing with it well to be honest. I’m not sure that I am dealing with it at all. If I sit down to write, or if I just have time to crawl into my head and ponder, my thoughts always, always, always, go to the same place, and I’m just tired of being there. I probably could really use a friend with an ear, but it involves a lot of back story that is difficult for me to tell, and it just haunts me quite frankly. I hate to elude to something and then not disucss what it is I’m eluding to, but I’m allowed to do that on my blog. I know I shouldn’t mention it at all if I didn’t intend to talk about it, but I just wanted to say that my mind has been troubled. That’s just kind of where I’ve been lately. Believe me, I cannot wait for the day when I can babble on and on about it but I need to sort it out in my own head, and I’m just not getting there with it. 

 

I do have plenty of reason to be joyful. I’m being blessed far beyond what I ever thought I would be. As most people know by now, my wife and I are expecting our 4th child this coming summer. People ask me how I feel about that and in many cases I’m surprised at the expression on their faces when they ask me. Many people know that we are very excited to be having another baby, but some look at me as if they expect me to be upset. Their face says “you do know that this is number 4 don’t you? Isn’t that too many? Are you okay with 4?” I’m very pleased with 4, and in fact, my wife and I have discussed having…. oh nevermind. You don’t want to hear that.

Other than the baby coming, not much else has changed in the lives of the Proxmire house. Much of our time and focus is still being put towards getting our house the way we want it. Life is still just as busy as ever. I’m trying to get enough college credits to transfer to a different school. Classes take a lot of my time. I think Nikki and I each have our own big plans on what we want to do in the near future. She is going through and redesigning everything from the floor up in our house. She has bigger plans for homeschooling. As she gains experience, she is coming up with new techniques and things to implement to make schooling the girls more effective and fun. She’s a busy lady and I love her. I’m looking forward to putting together some kind of out-building where I can set up my forge and anvil. I haven’t forged anything in quite a while and I’m really itching to get the hammers hot again. I’ve been tossing around the idea of trying to make small knives and seeing if I could sell them for a few dollars at a market or something. I’ve never made knives before. I’ve forged plenty of tools, and other steel hardware pieces, but I think knives would be a great fun challenging project. In the near future, I’m looking forward to getting my fireplace checked out and working properly so my wife and I can curl up on the love seat next to a warm fire and watch the deer (there ya go Nik, I spelled it right) walk across the field.

 

I don’t have much else to tell. I’ve been informed that posting shorter blogs once in a while is fine and acceptable, so per a friends advice, I’ll stop right here. Also, I’m not editing this at all either. Usually I read back through it and change things, move stuff around, rewrite entire paragraphs, ya know, try to make it perfect. But this time, I just wrote straight through without stopping, and without looking back…. I’m searching for something else to write about… okay I really got nothing… stopping right here… right here… here.  

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One thought on “Turning 30/The story I can’t tell/Number 4

  1. I love your heart, hunny. I know a lot is going on right now and things are crazy. I pray for the Lord to help guide us to some new friends this year to lean on. Loved that you kept on writing. You spoke from the heart and tell it exactly how it is. A good read : )

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